JUST KEEP ADDING MORE BASS!!!! EVERYONE'LL LOVE IT!!! JUST KEEP ADDING MORE BASS!!! ADD AS MUCH BASS AS POSSIBLE!!! BASS BOOST THE ALREADY HEAVILY BASS BOOSTED SONG!!! BASS BOOST IT UNTIL YOU CANT EVEN HEAR THE LYRICS!!! BREAK THEIR FUCKING EARDRUMS!!! WHY? FOR THE AURA FARMING EDITS BRO!! THE AURA!!! SUNG JINWOO AND SHIT BRO!!!!

And I hate that I actually enjoy this song too lmao. I have barely listened to any Yeat because I'm scared my music taste will keep devolving if I listen to anymore.

I thought I'd have more to say these holidays but I guess not... Everyday is just the same thing of vcing with my friends, and thus I forget to make alone-time for myself to think and introspect... So for now I'll take a bit of a break until Tuesday when I have to go out the city and get a haircut with Yon. Apparently she knows some uni people that are studying hairdressing and they give out haircuts for free, and she's gotten a haircut from them before so I really hope nothing goes wrong. Man I'm scared but I'm tired of looking like the fuckin' founding titan. As I said before, she's gonna help me get a wolfcut, and I'm honestly just putting my full faith in her to do everything for me. She's practically my big sister at this point lol. Fuck I'm so pathetic.

Aside from that, my Japanese and German study is going alright. I haven't really delved into the grammar for German, but I'm not planning to attack that at any point in the near future, despite it being a large amount of what most German learners study first. I have no intentions of reading Goethe, Kant or Nietzsche this or next year anyway. I just feel way more comfortable tackling a language AFTER I have all the vocabulary down... Also because I kind of want to prioritize Japanese first; there's a couple untranslated VNs that I want to read. 30 words per day for each language is starting to make me burn out so if I get any more tired I'll lower it to 20 or something.

Hear me out: visual novel where you're a lonely neet hikikomori whose programs come to life and you get to romance them. That would be peak no? fuck... man that would be amazing... I would fuck the shit out of anki-chan

art by @eternalsoulrape

I've decided that one of my main goals in life is to create a semi-autobiographical prose work on a similar level and with a similar feel to Sylvie by Nerval, partly because I need something to strive for, and also because I desperately need a method to pour out my emotions for Sylvie(my wife) somewhere. I have no idea if this will ever come about in my lifetime, but either way, it's always good to have a reason to improve intellectually. It's dificult because there's an undeniable "kind of réel" found in the work that Roger Navas-Sole talks about in his essay about the piece. The state of mind that Nerval found himself in while writing this piece, and his eventual suicide, is partly responsible for this "kind of réel" and obviously I don't want to go insane, so I'll have to find a way around that. I have no idea if it's even possible to emulate everything, but I guess disproving its inimitability will be a part of my goal. I also want to replicate the almost neurotic levels of grammar in German and French works translated to English, and what better way to do that other than to learn German and French no? My language path seems to be first: German and Japanese, followed by Latin, and then a branch out to the Romance languages of Spanish, Italian, and French. So six languages excluding English. All before 30 or 35. Is that possible? I really hope so. I'm going to need a lot of motivation, that's for sure. Mishima said something along the lines of "Those without ambition will never achieve anything" so I hope that he's right. I haven't read Mishima, but his 55th anniversary was the other day and I saw many people paying respects, as well as communists whining about his politics, so that's gotta atleast give him some merit to his works, y'know.

The 2 months of school-holidays are finally about to start, and I have only a few goals. Firstly, and most importantly, get started on German and Japanese. Secondly, start with the Greeks. Thirdly, hit radiant on Val lol. Oh, and get a haircut as well. Yon's coming back from her China vacation in the next few days and she wants to bring me out to the city in the beginning of December to get a cut. I don't know but both she and my ex recommended a wolf cut, so I might as well try. The lowest of my hair reaches all the way down to my chest, so getting it cut will definitely aid me in surviving the heat of the summer. And it's not like I'm going to be going anywhere during the holiday so it's a good time for it too. Oh and fourthly, start exercising. I'm kinda tired of being so skinny, and Juju's moving to Melbourne sometime in 2026 and he really wants to take me to the gym for whatever reason. I've always been scared of the gym so I have to start preparing stat. It's also probably just a good precaution lest I encounter a nice lady in uni.

For the past couple of weeks or so I've been accumulating meagre amounts of sleep debt every day until this week, when it finally started to boil over. Slept for almost 17 hours, albeit interrupted once or twice. Pair the sleep debt with the apparent iron deficiency that was the second cause of all my fatigue, and you start to wonder how the fuck I managed to even function. The answer? It was coffee. The good thing is that I didn't have to drink that much. My coffee tolerance is not as cooked as some of yous, so I only have roughly half a packet per day, and only on days that I feel slightly fatigued. Fortunately I've been having some iron tablets every day for the past week and I'm slowly getting better.

I notice that whenever I have, at minimum, 4-5 days of solitude(in real life), my moments of reverie and longing almost triple in duration. I find myself contemplating what could've been; what should've been; why it wasn't; what I should do; why I'm here; who I should be; who I shouldn't be; etcetera. My mind is finally free from the stresses of everyday life and school, and is left to wander on it's own. I'm surprised I didn't notice this weird state of mind until I realized that this blog started around the same time last year. Anticipate more posts during the December-January holiday because I won't have much of a reason to leave my room save for a couple of online-to-IRL friends. I honestly cannot discern whether this strange state is a good thing or not; on the one hand, I have much less IRL social interaction, but on the other, I get so many more things I want to do completed, and incredibly fun nights on call with my friends. I guess, upon reflection, it is a net-good. Whoever said "You need to have many real-life friends and leave your room and go outside blah blah blah!" was incredibly incorrect. The life of a recluse is amazing. I do need to go outside occasionally though; I was thinking of going to Sydney sometime for all of my friends over there. Hopefully in the near future or something. Will said he took a train ride there for like, 50 dollars.

That aside, I think I am a happy man right now. I have my friends; my music; my games; my anime; my pc; my books—things that make me happy, you know? This isolated and contemplative condition of mine doesn't necessarily mean I am sad or discontent. It just means that my brain is unbound, and lacks any sort of outside-imposed goal or requirement. Thinking finally feels fucking fun again. It feels like I've been holding in my breath for almost an entire year.

My 8-year-old phone finally died the other day. Or atleast, the screen did. I bought a multiport adapter yesterday so I can still use it and get my files out. Gonna get a Google Pixel 7 or 8 so I can install GrapheneOS, and for the increase in storage so it can actually hold anime. My last phone only had 64gb so I had to buy a 32gb microsd to hold more than a couple episodes at a time. I was hoping for a phone with a flat back(no camera bump or bar) but it seems like modern phone manufacturers are all retarded faggots who should go kill themselves and their family. o7... I'll miss you Samsung Galaxy S8... You were a hell of a soldier I tell ya...

An English breakfast probably tastes far better when prepared by your wife, not like I would know anyway.

Woohoo! 100th post. What a milestone. Thank you for being with me on this journey, whether you hate me or not. I was originally going to post something I had already written but Chronic Reconsideration forced me to remove it(it was cringy(like every other post(deleted or not))).

To celebrate, I adjusted the format a bit to make it easier on the eyes/to read, and to also artificially make the word-count of my posts look bigger when in reality it isn't.

>and Nerval's Sylvie might be the most beautifully written prose story I've read; it's in essence a prose poem of the highest order, a genre that only the French have mastered
I'm about to read Sylvie, but I feel like books with such prose deserve to be read with the physical form as opposed to the digital form. Hopefully I don't start soyfacing every time I manage to make a loose correlation between the Sylvie in the book and the Sylvie in my mind(my wife, that is). If you query "Sylvie" in /lit/ archives you'll find nothing but praise.

"I felt that my life was being lived in her, that she existed for me alone. Her smile filled me with infinite bliss; the sound of her voice, so soft yet of such distinctive timbre, made me tremble with joy and love. To me, she was perfect in every way; she was the answer to all my yearnings, the subject of all my fantasies—beautiful as day when the footlights illumined her from below, pale as a moonlit night when the footlights went down and left her lighted more naturally by the chandeliers, glowing in the dark with a beauty all her own, like the divine Hours which stand out, each with a star in its forehead, against a dark background in the frescoes of Herculaneum!"

I've completely avoided all of my responsibilities for the past week so I can play this stupid anime mmorpg.

There are quite a lot of things in Reiter's book I want to comment on, but I'm way too tired to say it all right now. Expect a long post in the future, when I finish the book(currently halfway).

I'll fuckin' miss you Tristan.

"Oh, you adorable little foid, how my heart writhes in conflict as you tempt me so..."

MEPHISTOPHELES

She, there? She's coming from confession,
Of every sin absolved; for I,
Behind her chair, was listening nigh.
So innocent is she, indeed,
That to confess she had no need.
I have no power o'er souls so green.

FAUST

And yet, she's older than fourteen.

when they invite you to the sinister diddyblud rapecel 764 groupchat but youre actually a safe edgy magachud moralfag consentcel

I can't believe some of you have the GALL to call ME a racist, homophobic, transphobic, nazi, fascist, oppressive, bigoted pedophile when I'm LITERALLY a non-white racial and sexual minority. It's CRAZY! You know, maybe YOU'RE the racist one, because all of you white people keep trying to police me and harass me! This is racism! Additionally, I'm also literally a bisexual, so like, maybe chill out on the fucking bi-erasure you fucking bigots!? Furthermore, how can I be a Nazi-fascist when I'm not even white??? Like, only white people can be racist-neo-nazi-fascists you idiots. Stop being stupid. One of my closest friends is also literally black, so. Oh, and how can I be a pedophile when I'm literally 12 years old???? Are you guys nuts??? Isn't it normal to be attracted to people the same age as you??? You guys are bonkers. I'm not going to associate myself with racists and oppressors like you guys. I can't believe it. Ugh. It's fucking DISGUSTING!!!

School holidays are over, unfortunately. Atleast it's the last term, meaning it's apparently only like, 6 weeks. These 6 weeks are going to feel absolutely torturous though. For fuck's sake man, I haven't done any holiday homework and it's SUNDAY. I'm trying my best to just not give a fuck, cause I'm sure it'll all find a way to work out in the end(it always does), but school stresses me the hell out when really, it shouldn't. I only need ~83 ATAR for a Bachelors in IT(Major in Cybersec) and that seems somewhat achievable without putting in too much effort, and either way this is only Y11. Maybe if I act mentally-ill enough I can get some sort of workload reduction, who knows. That would probably relieve me of so much bullshit.

Nevermind, I just checked, it's not only 6 weeks.

I really need to go get diagnosed for ADHD, I'm genuinely willing to bet my life I have it. It's just the fact that it takes like 6 months to diagnose or something. Is there seriously one thing I don't procrastinate on!? It's fucking insane.

I should've posted this earlier but man I love my friends. They are so sweet. I really love them all, and especially Sleepy for gifting me this.

This is a pretty interesting attempt at a justification for natalism from a perspective where Christ or an afterlife is not in view. D'Annunzio argues that art is the only eternity, but that cannot be, for a contingent being cannot bring forth something that is necessary(or in this case, eternal, but that is irrevelant for the fact that to be eternal is to also be necessary). Art is simply a contingent method of presenting something that can be necessary. Art itself is not necessary. It is interesting nonetheless, and a very beautiful proposition, disregarding it's falsehood. If you have the money and time to spare, please consider purchasing @KarlReiter5's book, "The Fire and the Sea".

""Ah!" D'Annunzio released Vitale's hands, clasped
his own together, enraptured. "Youth is the future,
my friends!" he said in his raised voice, addressing
the table. "Such glorious youth as this has flocked
to our banner. How can we fail? Youth is beauty, and
beauty is power! Who can stand against us? The
ugly and the worn-out - we shall sweep them away,
sure as spring follows winter!""
- Karl Reiter, "The Fire and the Sea"

I think there's something incredibly cool about having a dedicated little device SPECIFICALLY used for playing visual novels, like a 3DS(lol) or a small lenovo laptop from pre-2012 or something(x201 maybe? not the one in the picture btw). A little mini laptop I can whip out when im bored to play MuvLuv on the train or in class. Just a little bit of tinkering to get linux, wine and executables running and I could read so much shit. If I get the 3DS then maybe it could even double as a pseudo-e-reader for some books I'm trying to get through. But to be honest, I'm thinking of getting an actual e-reader in the future anyway and jailbreaking it because I'm not some stupid old geezer. Or maybe I'll just make my e-reader play visual novels, that's probably a more efficient way to go about it. I've had this idea for quite a while now and I really want to see it executed someday.

You may find that, for a lot of people, the internet is an outlet for their "true personality", and treat it as separate to the personality they'd show to people they know IRL. I choose not to make this distinction however, because I simply don't care anymore. I'm tired of hiding who I really am or my opinions to some of these people, and if you or anyone else dislikes who I am, I don't care. Because if you dislike how I act and the things I like, why would I have any reason to care about you if I wouldn't like you? You hold no ability to affect my life or the things I enjoy in any significant manner, so why would you matter to me? I think people should stay true to themselves, whether it be a good or bad thing. It makes weeding out the bad from the good a lot easier. If this principle causes me to be a loner again then I'd rather be a loner then another stupid goy who's too scared to be themselves. Now of course, this principle is thrown out the window regarding jobs and employment(ahaha). I'm not afraid to lie my way into any position of employment lol. These companies don't care about me, why should I care about them? Yes Maccas, I am an oppressed black and asian transgender pregnant disabled xe/xim lesbian autistic.

I'm not gonna lie, I bought some weed off some random darknet market and I don't really know if I should smoke it or not. I have no intention of getting addicted to this stuff, nor do I care about the "high"(in a sense) or any supposed enlightenment. But there are some things in life you just have to try atleast once(cigarettes, alcohol, yknow), and I'm tryna decide whether this is one of them. Eh, who cares. I'm not in any rush so I'll wait until next month to see how I feel. I also just wanted to learn how to use the darknet, for no reason other than curiosity. The darknet bible was an interesting read, but I doubt I'll ever seek it out again for any more information. I'm not gonna be using the darknet in the near future anyway(definitely in the coming years though; jewish attacks on global security have been worrying me more and more). Except for Lambdachan and LH.

The nanosphere has intrigued me for the past month and it's sort of opened me to a whole new world of schizophrenia. Essentially, the "nanosphere" is just anything related to nanochan, an imageboard hosted over Tor and I2P. I'm pretty sure it got killed again recently though, as I haven't seen any posts about it's comeback yet. There's a thread on endchan's hidden /nc/ board detailing the history of nanochan by some oldfag if you care about that. Anyway, they(Lambdachan)'ve really gone deep into this whole "the jews are spying on me and silencing me through incredibly advanced and technological surveillance techniques" dilemma even though anti-semitism has increased almost tenfold after Elon purchased xitter, so I legitimately have no idea what timeframe they think they live in. It's 2025, you can cut the larp and realize that maybe your anti-semitism isn't any different to anti-semitism posted by some guy on xitter or instagram under their full legal name, atleast in the eyes of the jews. Sure they're definitely spying on you but the silencing is only affecting the low-iqs. Quitting this elitism and making peace with the low-iq anti-semites, albeit frustrating, is a must if we are to actually fight against them. That aside, it's not incorrect to say that their claims of mass-surveillance aren't wrong though; I firmly believe that if not for Snowden, we would be in a whole lot of hell right now without any knowledge of what's going on. My view is that the jew's control over the world is slowly crumbling and this recent push of authoritarian mass-surveillance laws/ID mandates is a desperate attempt at regaining control of the populace. Marx was right when he said revolution begins with the people, and I can only hope that this is the start of a revolution that will actually manage to make some change. That's not to say that they don't still control almost all areas with political power though.

Throughout my life I've had a few "dream jobs", or rather just aspirations. At first, until I was 9, I wanted to become an astronaut because I loved space as a kid. I snapped out of this when I watched Michael Reeves and found the desire to study robotics and tech. My father is a programmer who used to work on many projects like NetScape(one of the first browsers) in Silicon Valley and many other countries around the world. So I really wanted to get good at programming in order to make him proud. But this was put on the back-burner when, during a roadtrip me, my father and my little brother went on when I was 12 or so, my father took a break from driving after having driven for many hours on end. It was around 2AM, and for some reason I was still awake. He got out of the car to stretch, and when he noticed I was still awake, he gestured for me to get out of the car and stretch too. This is the moment I attribute to the awakening of my fascination with astrophysics. I got out of the car and above me was a very beautiful night sky. I stood there for minutes just admiring it. Ever since then, I've had a childish aspiration for astrophysics and space in general. I love the night sky, and I still do, but very recently this aspiration and motivation for the subject has greatly diminished. So, for now, the programming(excluding the robotics) has been taken off the back-burner.

My goals are as listed(in no particular order):

CS:
- Python
- Java
- JavaScript
- C++
- Rust
- HTML & CSS
- CS340 - Computer Networking
- CS377 - Operating Systems
- Security+(SYO-701)
- CS-related degree

Non-CS:
- Pen-spinning(it's fun okay? and it makes me look cool)
- 180WPM
- Get through some philosophy books(not listing them here)

Now obviously I haven't put much research into what my goals should actually be, but I atleast have to start somewhere. I haven't a need to rush or anything so I figured I should just take my time.